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Thank you. I actually tried to talk a bit about this whole performance thing with T today. It was a good session, after a slightly crappy start where I basically just babbled a lot and he didn't respond in any way, for the first ten minutes or so. I didn't g t very far in the performance discussion, but it was a start. Towards the end of the session I even managed to ask the thing I've been wondering about for a long time: does T ever react emotionally in any way to what I say? I'm no good at reading other people and T is a master of not showing much emotion, and I've been assuming that things I say don't really affect him. And I felt horribly presumptious when I asked. I mean, who am I to think that a T who has been meeting people for over 30 years can be affected by anything I say? But it turns out that he is, sometimes. That was rather powerful for me.
Yeah, and the change takes time. 
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This is great to hear, Mastodon.
I'd be interested in what he said if you feel like disclosing more.
I think it's always ok to ask. It's up to the other person if they want to answer/share. But asking is not the same as demanding--it's only a question. You ask because you are interested in the other person, or for other reasons; perhaps you are in a vulnerable position as a psychotherapy client, and it makes more sense to ask than it does to not ask.