Well.. me personally I actually might not, at least not as a result of anything I experienced during that period of my life. Perhaps my sense of an absence of safety, and of an absence of support.. but that is quite a bit different to a young mind than the existence of a thing not experienced. From as early as I can remember I only sensed my parents' need to get things from me; to get their own variety of emotional support. Completely narcissistic parenting; I felt myself not to exist except as a vehicle for satisfying their own basest psychological needs. A sense of safety for me came many years later, and emotional support even later after that as I had to create it and provide it to myself, without anything healthy to model it on.

The only way that my own earliest traumatic memories (starting with CSA, age 4, my own father, siblings present) relates to the sense of safety and emotional support I would one day have was in this absence of it, in which I only knew that something was very wrong. And had I not had the opportunity at the age of 12 to live entirely separately from my parents, in another country, I honestly do not know who I would have become. I was trapped before that. Mute, completely isolated, ostracized, and unapproached by any caring or concerned entities (despite rampant red flags). Didn't reach out for what I didn't know to exist. Only when well out of reach of my bloodline perpetrators and their self-fulfilling support system did I come to understand that safety could even exist, and without that opportunity I imagine I would have been en route for a very different set of maladies. Even worse than the junk I deal with now.

Change of scenery can do a girl a world of good though. When I came home after that year abroad, I was a different person. I did whatever I had to do to never let them abuse me again, which involved quite a bit of effort and some very difficult decisions for such a young teenager to have had to make. Previous to that though, with horrors happening inside what was then my only frame of reference, my ability to resolve what had happened simply did not exist. I cannot intimately connect with what emotions existed for me at the time, and can't recall a time that I could. I can visit the map, but not the territory.

That said, I don't know that I haven't achieved exactly as much resolve, about those early incidents, as are humanly possible and even appropriate. I certainly don't intend to entrust anyone with hypnotizing me, or otherwise endeavoring to wander about freely in my most ancient minefields. I'm quite lucky (omg I can't believe I'm saying that right now) to be as sane as I am (if you knew the irony of my making such a statement), considering the source (yup).

It's a crazy riddle, this human existence of ours. Anyone who claims to know otherwise is full of mashuguna.