Stupid physical symptoms....the whole excessive startle reflex thing sems to be getting worse jumping at even sudden rather insignificant not even loud noises, well a little earlier that happened again except now i cannot remember what it was someone doing something in the kitchen upstairs however this time it set off a bunch of other crap a weird spine chilling 'oh *****' feeling, froze up and then couldn't stop shaking ended up curled up on the ground(from the look of it, my carpet needs vaccuming I got a close up view lol) felt that disassociating feeling and just tried to breath slower and remind myself I was fine mentally and no real danger and it just a stupid physical reaction and to stay here...never had a visual sort of flashback but that was a pretty strong disassociating feeling I was fighting off like being pulled out of my head if that makes sense and having to hold on tight not to be and they say untreated PTSD gets worse...so it might be a matter of it hasn't gone that far 'yet'. Then as I was still trying to recover from that my mom was calling me from upstairs and it took me a couple minutes to even be able to respond I'd be up in a minute due to not being able to form anything intelligible for a short time.

even still feels like got adrenaline or something on overdrive filling my brain/body with it and am still rather unsteady physically...I am so over the freeze, want to/attempt to escape fight or flight crap, apparently its not over me though and wants to stick around.

So yeah screw you PTSD, I really...really hate that and it makes me feel like crap.