I never gave Uni pdoc a thank you card, not because he hasn't tried to help me, but because I feel slightly awkward thanking him for it. I sometimes wish I could see him now though, because he would believe me and tell me to stop being silly and take meds...but then I don't really want to take meds and I sometimes resented his pro-med position because he forced me to take them in the past when I was a medstudent for fitness to practise (basically blackmailed me)...but then I also felt that he actually took me seriously (because I tend to minimise everything) and that he cared about me. But I'm also kind of annoyed with him cos if he hadn't encouraged me to defer last year, I wouldn't have come home and been assaulted & then dismissed by this CMHT.

T wants me to practise being a better friend to myself, and if my friend was going through what I am, I would be kind to her and encourage her to take meds as well as see a T, tell her she did deserve to get help and feel better...but I still don't feel that I'm worth all that...

Just feeling really mixed up about it...

If I did try to make an appt, I'd have to be up really early to ring for an emergency appt, otherwise I'd have to wait 3 weeks for a routine slot and I'd probably chicken out/dismiss everything again by then...but then I don't feel like it's a life or death emergency either, just me being silly... :/

*Willow*