I'm not denying that I have it in some form. The only symptoms that I don't have are identity confusion and unstable interpersonal relationships. I'm solely objecting to saying it is my primary issue, plus saying that I'm generally well in check. This thread wasn't a good indicator of me being emotionally in control. I've had plenty of other threads where I have gotten into arguments and maintained posed. This one wasn't a good example of that. But I'm actually not a clear cut BPD case because I'm not trapped in my own head the same way that people with symptoms as extreme as mine. I don't mean to offend anyone in saying that. It's no one's fault. I've had several psychologists/psychiatrists say that people with BPD tend to be less able to see themselves or the world objectively which is why I found MKAC or whoever said that a little off base when she said I couldn't see anything objectively. I'm diagnosed with it for insurance purposes but my real diagnosis is c-PTSD which has similar results but is different. My argument is that it is not my central issue. I need to work through trauma in order to improve other issues. I didn't talk about any of my diagnoses in my emails to Ts because I don't want that to be my very first impression because I'd like to think that I'm more than just that.

This thread quickly turned into a cluster and I know me being drunk and making the decision to lash out at MKAC didn't help. However, I do feel like I have been getting a lot of heat recently for no real reason. Perhaps my topics trigger a lot of people because I talk about my mommy issues and people who feel further along than I am get triggered by remembering how it was at one point. I am very combative and I will disagree with someone or shoot down an idea a lot because I either genuinely don't agree or I'm scared. Someone said I get hostile when people disagree with me. That was true today, but usually, I feel that most people feel attacked whenever someone disagrees with them at all. My counterargument feels like it's a personal attack because I'm making a case against what you are saying plus this form of communication does remove all kinds of nonverbal communication which absolutely leads to misunderstanding. Had I been sober and MKAC and I were sitting in front of eachother to discuss that issue, I doubt any of this drama would have happened.

And referring to my friends that I lost, that was my fault. I decided to distance myself from them. They mocked me for being a little off sometimes, were very impatient with my problems, and treated me like some sort of alien when I got back from the hospital. I'm hyper alert to sounds and they would find it amusing to pop balloons to watch me jump. They also like to trash talk friends behind their backs which I do not like. I thought we graduated high school. I didn't bring it up my issues with them last year because I was living with them, I knew they weren't going to change, and I was/am super lonely. All bringing it up would do would be is create drama. I'm using my change in housing as an opportunity to let them fade away while still on good terms. Yes I did "lose" friends. I lost those people who I perceived to be great, loving friends and I lost the placeholders that they became when I realized how obnoxious they really were. I'll still complain about it even though it was my choice to get rid of them though.