Thanks guys!

I know what you are all saying is right...but I don't think I can show him tough love until I really grasp the truth of it all.

You see, I have a deep deep urge to look after him, to make him happy and to answer to every whim...this is a pattern that appears with anyone I love or even just close to. This behaviour, this wanting to make him and others happy is all from my relationship with my mother as a child. I learned (wrongly) that if I was good, funny and pleased my mum, she would love me and not be so depressed. I learned this from a very young age and although I know why I do it, it is still at my core as a belief. For now, I think it even unhealthier to not carry on what I am doing. I have tried and it just leaves me with feelings, that somehow, I am abandoned and intense feelings of anxiety. First, I need to be in therapy to explore these feelings in a safe a loving environment. Once I am in that environment, I will take steps to step back a bit.

The sick thing is, my brothers KNOWS I am always there for him even at the cost of my own mental health and he takes full advantage of it. Even knowing this, even knowing its not healthy for either of us, I still take away a feeling of satisfaction...that need to please and make him happy again is satisfied and leave me feeling wanted, loved and needed.

Wow sorry...just been thinking about it a lot lately. Especially today as he has been messaging me how anxious and depressed he is. I spent 2 hours txting back and forth until I broke down in tears ..the result didn't end in him feeling happy...as I mentioned before, all I felt was anxiety and fear of abandonment.

At least I am aware of all this...to know is the first step to recovery! Hopefully therapy will help me actually believe I don't have to make everyone happy and to express my feelings in a healthy way!

If you read all that, thank you so much!