Quote:
Originally Posted by hankster
Is it him, or is it transference? My previous t used to ask me why i was always trying to make him laugh. I was like, im not trying, i dont have to TRY, hey i just be funny. But i think it started at home. Trying to fit in, get them to like me. I was telling current t last week that i think my voice on pc has changed - it used to be perkier? Now i feel more like myself. Worrying less about people liking me.
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There's a transference aspect, but it's more than that. My pattern is with those in a position to offer protection and/or those who have power over me--usually authority figures. Bosses, cops, teachers, and sometimes medical doctors. After childhood, I've gotten protection and nurturing throughout my life, but it's gotten more difficult as I get older.
I think it's linked to trauma somehow, but with all the repression I do (my primary defense) I'm not sure exactly how it works. My parents ignored me no matter what I did, so it's not like I have a pattern of 'performing' to get love. As for anyone else, I don't care about what they think that much.
Hope you like your new voice, if that's a good thing.