Not sure how to explain this but I will try. It seems there levels or states of awareness I can fall in. Delusional, baseline, and WTF?

Some times I actually think I see myself more clearly and I do not like what I see and it makes me feel really sad and ashamed of who I am. This better awareness of myself, could just be delusional? It causes me to put myself down, call myself names, feel ugly and stupid and I get really bad anxiety and depression. If that is the real me, I don't want any part of that or me.

Any of this make sense to anyone?