If you really believe suicide is the only/best answer...you are in need of serious attention. Are you in therapy? If yes, you obviously need to bring this up, if not, then I strongly recommend you look for a good t.

You really need to understand what's really going on here....please don't take this the wrong way, please understand where I am coming from, but could all this really be a cry for help? Whether or not it is isn't the point...the point is you need to seek immediate help.

I wish you well and I hope soon you find peace.

You don't know me, but if it gets too much feel free to PM me...I am a good listener.