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Originally Posted by rukspc
Specifically, these past two weeks have been exhausting on my psyche and body. I've cried so much and want to call someone but feel like no one wants to hear me complain.
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I did a lot of compulsive crying for a long time once I found the courage to let my tears and hurt feeling finally come out into the open. But the thing that did me the most good was to honestly and courageously face the fact that my parents and a few others had seriously damaged me in early childhood and I was carrying around a TON of unhealed, unresolved and UNVENTED, painful feelings that were trapped inside of me. I became aware that much of my external activities, like the ones you mentioned, were only helping me keep down the vast sea of painful, miserable and ANGRY feelings that my parents had unwittingly filled me with.
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I've been ruminating and thinking a lot but trying to control the thoughts by meditating, reading every day, practicing forgiveness, staying active, hanging with friends, listening to my favorite music, staying productive at work - the list goes on.
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I would say that all of those activities are only a way to AVOID facing the hidden, repressed, bottled up & damaged feelings that are pestering us from within and begging for resolution and healing.
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I noticed that after each of these activities where I'm driven to distraction and immersed in them, I am at ease for awhile and then I relapse to my old ways quickly. I breathe and remind myself to stay in the moment but my mind is so foggy.
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Yes, those activities can somehow shut off the inner urges to find some relief and healing but, the moment the distractions are gone, our inner, unhealed and unresolved feelings will come right back up in an effort to find some relief and resolution. Sometimes these damaged feelings will cause: cancer, migraines, back aches, arthritis, ticks, various ailments & "disorders" and even insanity in their efforts to be noticed and HELPED.
I don't give advice but just doing grief work and Venting work on my bottled up damaged feelings DID WORK.
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Of all the resources I've been using and activities, why am I still having a hard time breaking out of these bad moods and bouts of sadness and anger?
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In my case, I had to enter therapy and finally face the sea of buried and damaged feelings inside of me that were causing all of my problems. My "bad moods, sadness and anger" were all symptoms of unhealed feelings that were pestering me for release and HEALING!
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When will I feel good again?
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In my case, it was not until I had done a LOT of venting and grief work in therapy that I finally began to truly feel "good" again. Oddly, there are still some levels of unhealed & damaged feelings inside of me so my grief work is not done yet but way better than when I started many years ago.
good luck,
jim
