Hi there! We seem to be at similar points in our lives! I am also opening my eyes and seeing behaviours, feelings and emotions that are just wrong and causing negative effects in my life. First of you, you should feel proud of yourself for coming this far, to see the problem and own it is the first, most very important step.

IMO the next step is to try and understand the root causes of behaviour/emotions. Now this you may need to do in therapy. Once you can understand why, once you get down to your true beliefs about the world and yourself, you can then start challenging them. This isn't going to be easy but you need to think of it as a re-wiring! Don't drive yourself mad with it, but when you feel or behave in a negative way...ask yourself, what is it really that's hurting you, what are you afraid of? What belief do you have that triggered behaviour/emotion?

So yeah, then when you find the reasons...or what makes sense to you at least, you need to replace negative beliefs with positive ones that will help you grow, develop and produce positive results. Even if you know what you should believe or what you believe would help, even if you don't believe it at first...keep at it. Keep practicing and reinforcing new belief.

Ok so maybe all that isn't for you, but from CBT and talking to ppl, I have learned and for me, its makes perfect sense!

I am struggling with challenging those negative/false beliefs. For me, I learned I don't have any self worth and have very low confidence which triggers all kinds of feelings which then produce my terrible behaviour. For me, I need to believe I am worthy and build self confidence. I am finding it all very hard right now.

Once your eyes are opened to these things, I believe, anything is possible with our own development. We have the power to feel how we want about ourselves, we have all the power and it is so sad that we don't learn to use it until all the pain and regret is felt. However, it is never too late....

I hope I made sense, sorry if I went on a bit, but this is all very close to home for me right now