Hi

firstly I hear the pain you are in and I am sorry you don't feel heard. Well we are listening now!

You stated the things on your mind, now what comes to my mind is, you are trying to figure out a lot of stuff that would be hard to think about even if it were the only worry! Where is all the panic coming from?

You can't deal with everything at once....it may be difficult, but try to decide on the thing that is bothering you the most, or the thing you would like most not to worry about. Then deal with that only! If other worries come in, you can acknowledge them, accept they are there, but tell them now is not the time, and when ready, you will deal with it. This may not be easy and may take practice but one thing I know, you cant deal with all that stuff in a healthy way all at once!

IMO the most important thing to deal with what you believe is causing you the most distress,,,put the rest on hold for now. If you spend too much time on one thing...leave it for a while and think of something else, but don't deal with it all at once!

Don't feel bad for not knowing all the answers...don't put so much pressure on yourself!