Aww sweetie, I'd be nervous in your situation too

Have you been learnt any calming techniques to help with your anxiety? I either try seven eleven breathing (breathe in for seven and out for eleven, it apparently for some sciencey reason helps slow your heart back down), or where you try and calm yourself by relaxing, breathing slowly and concentrate on what you can hear, so thinking I can hear the birds outside.... I can hear people laughing.... and so on.

I'm sure your university will want to do everything that they can to help you, and I doubt that they would deem you a lost cause! Which university are you at? I've known a few people who have had different sorts of problems and their universities have been brilliant. I see you're in the UK too so hopefully you will have the same experience.

Maybe going on holiday will help to lift your mood a bit after being triggered into a lower mood. I was in Mallorca a couple of weeks ago and it was up and down for me, but I definitely had times where I was having fun and totally felt almost myself again. Are you going anywhere nice? I hope you have a wonderful time!

And you are NOT an idiot for having these problems - you are only human, and we all have problems at some point in our lives (some of us are just less lucky than others!). I have the same thoughts about why am I alive, what's the point etc, etc. just like you do and i'm sure many others here do too. I know life can be so hard at times, but you have to focus on the good things. All your happy memories, the people you love, family, friends... I have to remind myself of all the things i'm living for all the time!.

Stay strong, you can make it through this. From experience, I've been the lowest of low sooo many times, but it always clears eventually even if it's not for long. This won't be forever!!! sending hugs and happy thoughts!