Secret & Sunrise,

Thanks. I tried to sleep but my son woke me and I growled at him. (LOL) It has truly been one of those days. I still feel lousy. I am seeing p-doc tonite to consult about my meds thatt my internist prescribed. So maybe that meeting will be helpful.

The work just seems overwhelming at times. I might even cry. I guess I am wallowing but I have been through so much lately and climbing back up seems so far and insurmountable. I think about my relationship with my T and how I can use that to work through this crap. Big Sigh. My heart is heavy.

I am reading the most beautiful book, "Wherever You Go There You Are" -- It's about mindfulness and teaches meditation. I have great difficulty staying in the moment.

"Try recognizing the ways in which you meet obstacles with harshness. Experiment with being soft when your impulse is to be hard, generous when your impulse is to be withholding, open when your impulse is to close up or shut down emotionally. When there is grief or sadness try letting it be here. Allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling. Notice any labels you attach to crying or feeling vulnerable. Let go of the labels. Just feel what you are feeling, all the while cultivating moment-to-moment awareness, riding the waves of "up and down," "good and bad," "weak and strong," until you see that they are all inadequate to fully describe your experience. Be with the experience itself. Trust in your deepest strength of all: to be present, to be wakeful."

From "Wherever You Go There You Are" by Jon Kabat-Zinn