First of all thank you for your responses. Its really great to have someone understand or whatever. I live in a really small country so mental health services leave alot to be desired.

I have a therapist who has been the world to me and has really kept me off the edge of the cliff. Unfortunately she does not specialize in trauma, or somatoform disorders and is pretty young. Ive done the meds and all that and while I am no longer suicidal and seem to be able to moderately function, I still hope for much more. As far as outside support goes, the internet is the only place I can find it. There are no support groups available, and ppl with mental health issues are outcasts.

The few people I still talk to, basically run away if I bring up any of this stuff and I jus wish that I had someone I could call upon any time, and maybe tell me what it is to get better, what to expect, wat to do. Jus not easy if you know what I mean. But really thank you for your responses