Hey King,
One thing i took notice of is that you really do a great job of sticking it out, even though it's lousy from the start. I give you alot of respect for that. When i get into something, i tend to run before i give it a chance to work out.
Seems like you are trying very diligently to find your place, and i think you will. Much luck on your career goals. You are not alone in this!