I've had 9 suicide attempts, 2 near fatal. All I could ever think about was escaping the pain and making myself believe that everyone would be better off without me.

My last attempt was 3 years ago. My daughters are grown but they just couldn't understand why I felt that they weren't living for. That changed my way of thinking and went full steam ahead in trying to get better.

I still have challenges with sui ideation but I don't think I'll ever do it again.

I got a call yesterday from an old friend, her brother had passed away. He committed suicide...

I'm seeing first hand what suicide does to the people who love them. he has 3 kids. 24 - 14 and a wife. They are all devastated. It's the most heartbreaking thing to watch. It really is different than a "normal" death.

This has been a HUGE trigger for me. Can't stop crying because I see what I would have done to my family. I'm filled with such regret and remorse for ever putting my family through what I did.

Today, I will talk to every family member that I've hurt and apologize for the way I've acted in the past.

Just wanted to pass this on to anyone who is suicidal. Don't fool yourself into thinking people will be better off without you. All you are doing is giving them a burden they'll have to live the rest of their life with. As your suffering ends, their's are just beginning.

I KNOW I will never do this to my kids again. I wish you all could experience such a profound experience.