Thank you, LadyM, Rapunzel, and Fayerody, for getting the topic back to invidious lack of self-esteem. It helps to recognize it as a serious thing, not just a little character defect.

Benjamin, yes, I do think you are idealizing living in a commune. It's completely going to depend on the person. I lived in a religious community with shared responsibilities for about a month in 2003. Even though it was very peaceful and quiet most of the time, when you have a hundred or so people living in tight quarters, there's going to be instances where you get in each other's faces. "You were supposed to this."

"You don't give me orders."

The community had a really good attitude about it, as these being opportunities to work on one's spiritual self. And no one held grudges that I could see. If a person went back to apologize later, the attitude was, "Forget it about. No problem."

If you want this kind of living experience, I hope you find it.