You have a bad cold, you stayed home and took care of yourself, you did the right thing. Also, sharing something that challenged you with your T is "brave" even though part of you feels it is wrong somehow and you should have held it in. You need to be strong for yourself when you have these feelings that tell you you are unworthy and I know that can be a challenge, I have had those struggles too, that is why I started the thread about that "void".

Jane, it is "not" nor "has never been" that you are/were a whimp either, or that you were ever unworthy in any way. The truth is, from what I am observing and seeing, many people do not have the "skills" to listen to others who are struggling emotionally and simply validate the emotions but instead send a message to the person who struggles to stop feeling.

This is something that really does start early where children are taught to "behave" and behave is to do one's best to not be upset or angry and instead just behave and be quiet. It is not unusual for a parent to believe that the child needs to develop the same values as the parent including their taste and how they value things too. In reality, a good parent is really suppose to help each child develop their "own individuality" and also respect the individuality of other's too.

The "healthy" message from a parent is "I am pleased with you and whatever you like to have and do that is productive for you". However, most of the time the message is sent where the parent is pleased when the child only accepts and expresses the likes and tastes and desires of the parent. And with this sets the roots of how we are suppose to surpress our emotions and how a parent begins to send messages of how "not to feel" and "stop being a baby". Also, often what takes place as well is when there is more than one child, the children are not taught how to care about are respect each other, instead they look at each other as "competition for the parent's attentions and affections". Yet, none of the children end up really forming their own sense of being "ok" with their own likes and desires as an individual.

What I hear a lot from you is how you began to follow the path of pleasing and knowing how to care about others without having the right to your own emotional challenges, or even the right to have your "own" and "value your own" too. So "now" that you genuinely do struggle you feel you are wrong or whimpy and that feeling of "fear" is very real because OMG you actually have "emotional unmet needs".

When you did "share" something with your therapist your fear is more about "if" he will actually "validate your personal pain" because that is really what you need him to do "with you", that is really what a therapist needs to have the skill set to do that is important to actually helping a patient "heal".

You are a mother, and you do give the right kind of "care" to your son. What you want is to have that "yourself" too. Jane, that is where the need to "cry" is coming from too. It is "ok" to finally allow yourself to do that too, it is necessary because it leads to finally getting to a point where you can "verbalize" and "understand" that very deep need in the "now" while you are working on "healing". And the emotional challenge often fluctuates between "anger and sadness and just plain fear and guilt".

As you work through whatever you needed to have "help" with, genuine comforting and validating "help", you will slowly gain your sense of "empowerment". That takes time Jane because as you do "get" those needs met, you will "grieve" the people around you who "failed" to provide that not only to you, but each other.

That is what I noticed taking place when I was called into a "drama", actually a couple of "dramas" just this past weekend. I also talked about having a really bad day Monday of last week too. I talked about how I was treated too, even the motion made by my husband to "cover my mouth" too and how he kept saying "stop" and then presented what "he" thought and the situation turned around to become "about him". Honestly, it is amazing how many people do that too, even those who are supposed to be "professionals". I can actually see that in my records, and so can my T.

Your "needs" are right on track and normal Jane, you deserve to sort through them because when you do, you will be one more person who will be able to offer that "right" support to others. It does take time to get there though, but I think it is helpful to understand "where this healing path is leading".

(((Caring Hugs)))
OE