I'm new here and fairly new to therapy (about 10 weeks). After the last session I felt truly awful, I had to hold back from crying for two days as my kids were home. They went back to school today and it was a relief to be able to be alone to cry. I'm wondering how exactly this is helping me? I can understand it would help if I felt the emotion in my session with my therapist and she sat quietly with me and shared it. The session with her triggered childhood feelings, but I didn't start feeling them till after.

The other issue I have is that I have doubts about whether I should carry on with my therapist. She talks so much, we have fallen into this pattern where I say something to begin (she always waits for me to start). From then on we follow her train of thought, there is no silence, any small gaps are filled by her. She 'challenges' me (her words) on things and I try hard to understand where she is coming from. When I have mentioned things that I am emotional about she skips off onto other things quickly. It's only this week, that, as I felt really traumatised by her challenges (which to be honest were quite tame, but to me seem huge), I've really thought about what is happening and have thought maybe this isn't working for me. I would prefer her to be trying to understand me, and I feel that it is too early to be challenged - I want to tell her my story. I have emailed her that I won't go again. Now I am unsure for two reasons:

firstly, I think I would benefit from talking to her about what I see happening and we might be able to resolve it, however I worry |I might end up feeling even more traumatised. I can't help noticing that the way we are together is a bit of a pattern for me in other relationships - I listen to others more than talking, particularly my mother.

secondly, I do have attachment to her and I was thinking that if I do return and encourage her to sit with me in silence, it might somehow make my 'trauma' feelings better. Before the summer break I was surprised to feel intense uncomfortable emotion, clearly about the impending break, and this is the one session when we did have some silence and I really felt 'held' and felt better.

She rarely smiles, I was wondering how she'd take it if I ask her to smile more, when she does I enjoy the warmth. However my other thought is: its not my job to make her a better therapist.