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Originally Posted by shakespeare47
been there... done that... she just "knows". it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
she can be very odd and determined about odd issues when she just "knows" she is right. and it's like pulling teeth to get her to see there really is more than one way to look at something...
the shame of it is, she's very intelligent and disciplined... she is currently working on a doctorate.
I have to be very careful... because if I don't play my cards right... I can very easily see her divorcing me, because I'm the bad guy in that I want to have an affair. or I'm the bad guy, because I keep trying to get her to do something "dirty"... but, she'll fail to tell her friends and family that the dirty thing I want her to do is to enjoy sex, and maybe try to have an orgasm...( because she's never had one before. ).
and of course, she'll fail to tell people that she knows I've been frustrated for years over her issues... (her issues being: she knows she can't do anything about her sexual desire... she knows orgasm are for "dirty" girls, not her).
Aren't I a terrible monster?
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Then maybe now isn't the right time for her to explore the reasons. Maybe you need to give her time....and possibly nothing may change with time but one thing is clear....she is not ready to deal with it! I don't think forcing her hand is the right thing to do I really don't.
Look, I know sex is important but really, it is just sex...sorry its just my opinion but I feel sorry for her. Why should she do something she really doesn't want to do? Why is it we see her as the one with the problem?
We are allowed to be very expressive and free with desire and passion when I truly believe, people should take more control. If someone doesn't like sex, why should we want to FIX THEM.
So maybe one possibility is, neither of you are right here, why should any of you do something about it? You may be forced to decide whether you can carry on without it. What comes across to me is your fear that she doesn't enjoy it, and I think its all for the wrong reasons, I think your ego is getting in the way a bit.
OR maybe all of the above is wrong
Only you and your wife can figure this out but it has to be in a way that is healthy and safe for you both