I don't think giving her an ultimatum about an affair is the right thing to do. I think being honest about the fact that this is braking down your relationship and asking her to make an effort to save that is a reasonable thing to do? If she brought something like that to you then you would try?
I am not sure that she would throw away her relationship away and not work on things?
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“You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. In the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.”
― Max Ehrmann
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