Sometimes what is actually needed is for a child to be allowed to just scream and cry and express their emotions. When a child is abused they are not allowed to do that, just as many adults feel it is wrong to "feel" too.

How old is this child?

I know it is natural for you to want to "comfort" this child, but this child has been violated physically and touched in a way that intruded on her. This is quite a challenge to help a child heal from too.

How to work with a child like this is to be "present" yet allowing the child to make the decisions and have some "space" to do just that.

When I was little I did not like being "held", that is because I had been invaded by both my older siblings and all I wanted to do was "do it self" to be honest. When a child is finally allowed to have their own space, that child can slowly gain the courage to engage more. This child was invaded by an adult, that means "all adults" are a threat and "touching and holding" does not comfort or provide "safe" feelings.

I am sorry you are struggling with this child, you need to understand this is truly not your fault and I know you want to "hold and comfort" but often that is really the "opposite" of what that child needs. Often "safe" will mean ability to just be and develop "self" identity without any kind of "confinement". It is going to take time and "touching" needs to be what the child wants in terms of the child having/making the choices about being in control of the touching.

This can mean having things where the child can use her own touching like "finger painting" and playing with clay and coloring and even styling a dolls hair or just touching and playing with toys too. Your presence should be that of being there so she can know you as someone who "protects her need for space" so she can begin to interact with things around her as "she" chooses. You can have some activities like playing with playdough where she sees you creating things on your own. She may choose to get up and distance, that is "ok" that is how she is going to learn to have her "own" control and then slowly decide to come back to whatever activity "you" are doing.

You can read to her, pick simple and interesting things, things where a charactor is being "independent" and it's ok if she is "not" sitting next to you too. You can actually be a person who is presenting things to her, your own free will and what it looks like and that it is ok, but at the same time letting her be distant and decide how much she wants to interact. Right now the only thing she knows is to cry to create "distance", the opposite of crying to ask for physical comfort.

Another thing I would do is I would just sit and play with animals or dolls in front of her.
I would have a doll that plays a charactor that wants to be independent and when other dolls want to touch this doll, the doll says "no" and the other dolls give this doll permission to say "no" and then have this doll do things that are fun and adventurous. Then I would have this doll come across another doll that is crying hurt and lonely and this doll comforts the doll that was hurt and tells the doll it's ok, I was hurt too, lets just play and do fun things together ok?

A pile of sand is another really great thing too. My older brother was a child that was punished a lot and had no friends. I decided to play with him and we played with cars and build roads in that sand pile. I let him decide about the roads, no touching just playing, no yelling just playing and letting him choose. I knew he needed that because that is what I needed to.

So, you cannot tower over this child in any way, play with her doing fun things where "she" gets to make choices, even if she chooses not to play, that is ok you keep playing as she chooses to distance. She needs to have space to "make her own choices" and learn that she can do that in not just "cry".

OE