Quote:
Originally Posted by KateSpade1
My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 3 years, my mother lives with us since she spends half of her time here and the other half out of the country.
Recently, I found a pair of panties (that aren't mine) stuffed behind the bed. I asked him about it, and he confessed he has a panty fetish.. and went in my mother's bedroom and took her lace panties. My first thought was he wants to do my mom! But he explained to me that he doesn't associate the panties with the owner, it's just the underwear he wants.. and then I got hurt because why didn't he use my panties instead, and he explained that they didn't fit. So I've learned that his panty fetish is wearing them when he self pleases himself.. I've signed onto this site for help, in understanding his fetish and hearing ya'll opinion about the fact that he went seeking through my mother's panty draw (isn't that crazy? or is it just me). I can't even look at him because I know he masterbated to my mother's underwear, and he went seeking for them! I go through these stages of emotions, hurt, sad, angry, disgust, insecure, and back to sad… don't forget confused to the mix the whole time. I feel the emotions of a person who's been cheated on, and thinking maybe this is a bad dream.
I would really like some help, or guidance to where I can get help for our relationship. I'm scared his fetish is boarder line obsession if he went seeking panties to fit him. And this fetish doesn't turn me on… and from the forums and other things I've read, it doesn't help the relationship if someone isn't down to try it.
Please tell me what you think or know about panty fetishes.
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Hello KateSpade1: Well... you've received some interesting responses, I must say! You know, the bottom (no pun intended) line here is, many people have fetishes. And there are all sorts of 'em. A panty fetish is certainly not one of the more difficult ones to adjust to.
The thing I want to focus on is how difficult this may be for your BF. I'm an older male who has been transgendered his whole life, but kept it deeply hidden. I'm married & I've lived a more-or-less normal male life. But while I was living this more-or-less normal male life, my insides were, & still are, in constant turmoil. The guilt & shame I have felt over this has been unrelenting.
I obviously don't know how your BF feels about his panty fetish. But I just want to say, particularly if this is a secret he has been keeping for many years, he may have some deep-seated anxiety & / or shame associated with it. It's possible, maybe even likely, that as a child & teenager, he was borrowing panties from his mother or sisters. And he may feel some deep-seated embarrassment over this too.
I think, from this perspective, it's important to tread lightly here; especially if you yourself are seriously conflicted regarding the matter. If you could just go out, buy him an assortment of panties, & proceed to have great sex, this might be liberating for him. (I say "might" because I know, in my own case, something of this sort would be profoundly embarrassing.) However, my sense, from reading your post, is that you're probably not at a place to do that. A "fall-back" position may be to simply acknowledge his fetish, allow him to pursue it, but not become involved in it yourself. But I also wonder if perhaps some therapy or counseling services, individual, & perhaps couples, may not be useful here. Of course, your BF may or may not be open to therapy as far as his participation in it goes. You can certainly arrange services for yourself.
Under any circumstances, I do hope you keep posting here on PC with regard to this. There are many very knowledgeable people here who can offer sound council. BTW, might it be possible your BF would be interested in joining PC himself? My best wishes to you.