For a while now (probably a couple of years) I've been wondering if maybe I have Dysthymia (I just got some sort of Deja vú. Perhaps I've written about this before.). I've been depressed since I was 14 years old or so (I turn 24 this month) and I don't remember what happiness or peace feel like. I know I've written this before but it's like my "standard mood" is depressed and then I have episodes of extremely low mood as well that last for between one week and several months. Episodes where I completely lose the will to do things, think of suicide though I don't want to die etc etc. I read the diagnostic criteria for Dysthymia the other day and I could pretty much relate to all of it.

When it comes to depression I've only ever been diagnosed with "moderate depressive episode" (as far as I know) but seriously, how is a decade of depression an "episode"? I mean, that's almost half my life.

Don't professionals (psychologists, psychiatrists etc) know about Dysthymia? How do I know if my depression is major depression or Dysthymia? Also, why do people think of Dysthymia as "mild"? I don't know if I have that particular disorder but if I do, it's not "mild". At least not in my opinion. The level of severity varies for me. Some days I feel numb. I feel low pretty much every day. Some days I feel so extremely miserable that I "want" to die. Some days I just want to hide in my bed. Some days I can function pretty well but feel really depressed as soon as I don't manage to keep myself distracted from my thoughts. Some days I feel like hitting myself in the head. I'm never happy. Never peaceful. Always affected by it. Always more or less low. Always depressed. Always anxious.

Does anyone here have Dysthymia? Could you tell me what it's like for you?

Thanks.