hi, I know I have already written a lot about my problems ans I am sorry if anyone is sick of it.
I am struggling right now to imagine a future that is worth living. sometimes I feel like everything will be just fine. but most of the time it's more like nothing is ever going to be better than right now. from now everything will just get worse and all the things that are already bothering me and I have not found a solution by now will never go away.
I have tried so many things and I am seriously desperate and losing hope. and it's not that I am not ready to make changes. this is what everybody always suggests. but I don't know how anymore. I tried everything.
I feel like there can be no happiness for me like for other people. I will always have to be alone and without any recognition whatsoever and all slight indications of something to improve are just in my head and will show to be pure imagination. I thought that several times "now everything is going to be better". but it always turns out I am wrong and sliding right back into the same old situation I have always been in. why am I always so wrong? why is there even hope coming up? it just bothers me when I realize I was wrong. it would be easier to be hopeless all the time.
I don't know what else to do...
I really don't want to go on like this.