Thank you so much for all of your kind words.

allme - I'm not in therapy. I can't afford it right now and the only insurance I have is through a Native American hospital, which is an hour and a half away. I can't afford the gas for that every week. I had some suicidal thoughts while I was on the meds, but they didn't get as bad as they are right now until the increase. Does anyone know what a "good" dosage is for lamotrigine?

Wander - I really want to be honest with my doctor, I'm just hesitant because I don't trust him and I'm worried he'll have me sent to a mental hospital. It's the last thing I need right now.

lilodian4ever - I'm so sorry I put you in a disarray. But your kindness has truly touched me.

Double Edge - Thank you so much. It's weirdly amazing to hear from someone who has exactly what I have, and to have seemed to even go through the same experiences as I have. This life is so beautiful and I wish my pain wasn't always fogging the glass.