Quote:
Originally Posted by Leah123
The thing is, we're not exactly strangers and we're not therapists. We have read the OPs threads for a very long time, been invited to engage with her, and we're entitled to respond. We aren't going to respond like trained mental health professionals. We aren't and we're not being paid. This is a peer support forum and the reality is, we have to be open to varying perspectives and varying ways of expressing them if we want to participate.
I have received feedback I appreciated so much it made me cry. I've received feedback so painful I wanted to sock somebody! And lots of feedback in between: when we go fishing in open waters, no telling what we'll catch, but that's life.
The OP mentioned earlier something about wearing out her empathy on this forum, and I hate to say it, but I think that's true to an extent for some. I think sometimes there needs to be room for empathy but also for honest feedback. Will it be given in the most perfect form? Probably not. Will it be heartfelt and valuable, yes, it absolutely can be, if the OP is open to learning and not just hearing self-serving comments all the time.
However, I think we all can try and reserve the right not to engage in open discussions. If someone only wants to get a pat on the back or a hug or a kind word or something, they can certainly say that, keeping in mind though, it's still ultimately a public forum.
I do understand how hard it is not to challenge someone to grow when reading so much about a person illuminates patterns and issues so clearly. And for posters, it's hard online, you know- one has to have a tough skin but we also often come to forums like this because we don't. A paradox. 
Anyhow, for what it's worth, I think it's great that you have reached out to eight therapists Growlithing and I hope that one of them will be your 'just right' therapist and help you deal with the things that pain you so that you can develop insights into how to be happier and healthier. |
About the tough skin- I'm a musician. I get direct constructive criticism on a daily basis. I actively seek out teachers who do not pat me on the back but instead air on the side of being a little harsh because it's the only way I can improve. A softer teacher would not fit well with me because I need someone to push me into a very high level of performance. I do have thick skin and the problem is not that I'm oversensitive or unable to take criticism. It's also not that most people only post to pat me on the back and I can't handle the one person who doesn't do that. The majority of responses I get is either neutral, constructive or nonconstructive criticism with one or two people chiming in to agree with me.
The issue is that I have a very hard time taking anything at face value. I challenge or try to clarify the mass majority of people who respond to me with a point of view that differs at all from my own. That may come off as me not handling the other side well, but in reality, I just have a very hard time trusting anyone's opinion including my own which is why I seek out a debate. I feel that the only way to truly know if an opinion is a good one to have is if it can hold weight when challenged.
I have a hard time letting anything fly by and I will use almost anything as an anecdote when I feel like I need to clarify myself because although I ran my mouth about not caring if anyone likes me, I think we all know that's full of crap considering that I'm currently giving a long winded response explaining myself to someone that didn't post anything that I took a real issue with beyond maybe implying that I'm soft skinned. And I don't even know if you're implying that I'm soft skinned. I just feel that way and wanted to clarify for anyone that might think that although responding to something so minor and unimportant is making a big deal out of nothing and therefore doesn't exactly help my case.
Anyway, the issue with what happened here wasn't a matter of constructive criticism. It was a matter of unsolicited, tangential, pointing out my flaws. I mentioned a fear I had and mentioned that I lost some friends. People took that, drew their own conclusions, and said some really nasty things to me that were nasty even outside of the fact that I was immensely triggered by it. I would have been called out for being so blatantly aggressive by people for really no reason. I'm not even just talking about MKAC but others as well. Yes, I made this stuff public, yes, that means people are therefore able to say what they want, no that doesn't mean that ganging up on me on an innocent, positive thread is okay.
I said some things completely out of anger and spite and that was wrong of me and I apologize. It was completely messed up and rude and I can't excuse it. But no one can come accusing me of being unable to objectively see myself or being immature when I can already tell you that the people who were out of line will not admit to being out of line and will only respond to this by telling me how they were right, and I was wrong, I'm still wrong to say this, and then on the next thread I create, those same people will come hijack it and do it again.
Yes I know that by saying anything, I effectively bumped this thread and restarted a dialog, and potentially made this argument live again, but I have been a scapegoat every time I've posted here recently and I'm not going to be quiet about it. I'm going to stand my ground regardless of how many people come try to assassinate my character for doing so.