I've wanted to get pregnant for a while now. The husband and I have been trying and I went a little neurotic with cutting out caffeine, eating better etc. I've had conflicting dr reports in the past so we had assumed id be the problem if we had difficult conceiving. Turns out his count is low, and we found this out after months of trying and me blaming myself. I've been living my life in 2 week increments for almost a year now and I don't even know what I want anymore. I saw an old episode of HIMYM today - the one where Lily was giving birth and I actually started crying.

For months I've been imagining the best ways to tell people I was pregnant, I've been thinking about showers and thinking that's id be pregnant or ready to pop for my 30th ( in dec) and now I don't even know if I'll be pregnant. A friend gor married last week and when he told me in January abt the wedding, I imagined the pic we'd take... Me him and another school friend and id have a big belly about to pop. But now people are posting back to school pics of their kids and I'm just here wondering whether I should drink a beer or some coffee.