I've been beating my head against that same wall too! But I'm gonna keep beating against it until my head falls off or the wall breaks down! All may truly be lost for me, but the only way it can TRULY BEAT ME is if I give up the fight!! If Hope is all you have left, don't let the world rob you of that too! You may have tried many ways, but you haven't failed many times.....you just found many ways that didn't work. Don't give up. You're not alone!
Sending you strength & encouragement!