I can easily sense the hopelessness you're putting out there. You mentioned spending a large amount of time blaming yourself, but then finding out it may be his low count. When did you find that out? Is anything being suggested for his low count?

But not only that, this also reveals that you've been beating yourself up over something you can't control. You're holding yourself up to expectations that you can't achieve for unknown reasons. It's not your fault is you're having difficulty conceiving. It's not his fault either. It's no one's fault. But you still have options of what you want to do next.

I know it's not easy, but try to stay focused on what you CAN control, rather than comparing yourself to everyone else who has children. Comparing ourselves is a way for us to beat ourselves up and tell ourselves "Why aren't you any better?" You deserve much better than those negative messages! You're trying to bring life into the world, and there's nothing wrong with you for wanting that.

I feel for you. It sucks to have medical complications interfere with conceiving, but until they tell you there's no chance of having a child, do not give up hope! Hope is so powerful, it can easily get you through these trying times. Hold on to any hope you can like it will save your life, because it likely will.