I wouldn't say religion is all about control. I think definitely some religions are that way. Others are more about support and community or "togetherness." That can be just as important to some people's faith as individual spirituality.

And Izzyfg2000, it sounds like you feel judged by others who condemn you for now experiencing their faith. I'm really sorry for that. We shouldn't be doing this anymore, and yet it happens every day. Honestly, you don't need any certain thing to get better. There are plenty of things out there that can help, but what really helps for the individual is just a unique as the individual herself.

Find what works for you, and don't let others pressure you into feeling it's a certain faith if that doesn't fit for you. At least you can know that you're supported here.