Quote:
Originally Posted by shakespeare47
What do you mean by atm?
I think that is the best option. I can see myself letting her know that this has gone on long enough.. it's time to deal with this... I'm tired of being patient... I'm tired of dealing with it on my own....
I don't want to have an affair. I don't want to get a divorce... I want my wife to try and enjoy sex instead (or at least try to determine if there is anything she really can do, I want her to check her assumptions, instead of continuing to assert that they are true) of just copping out and saying "there's nothing I can do".. more often would be nice, too.
If she can't see that this is an important issue, then something must change. (and I hate to admit it might be my own attitude that might have to change).
Unfortunately, I have learned from experience, that if I don't initiate sex.. it just isn't going to happen.
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Ok, so the real issue here is with your attitude towards it. YOU want her to enjoy it...well you cant make her enjoy it if she doesn't like it! Is it because you genuinely want her to enjoy it for her pleasure, or is it YOU would benefit more from this?
I am not saying this shouldn't be a problem...I am saying it shouldn't be a problem for selfish reasons. You may just have to accept your wife doesn't enjoy sex. For now, she is not ready, and she may never be ready but that is for her to deal with and for her to worry about...but only if she wants to.
I think it may help pin point WHY you really want her to enjoy it. If it is for her benefit, you have already been told she aint ready....if you come to the conclusion its YOUR problem, then it is time to look deep within and deal with your own issues.
I know it isn't easy and I know this because I am that wife that doesn't enjoy sex...luckily for me, my husband is ok with that as long as I am happy and to be honest, I really am ok with it. The last thing I would need or want is for my husband to put pressure on me to enjoy it...actually, that would make me not like it even more. I would also resent him for being so selfish. Luckily for us, because we can communicate our feelings, we found a compromise that works for us. He admitted he didn't need sex for emotional connection or anything like that, it is purely the act itself that he enjoys...so yeah, I am cool with having sex with him on occasion..but it is under the understanding I do this for him...and sometimes I may not want to at all. I know it isn't the most romantic situation but for us it works. We have built our marriage based on love and trust for each other on stronger foundations than having a fulfilling sex life. We have our needs for intimacy met through other forms of contact and real communication.
I understand this may not work for everyone and I understand sex is more important to some ppl.....if it is a deal breaker for you, you need to look at other ways to feel whatever void sex fills.
So stop hassling her and blaming her and search deep within to find why her enjoying it is important to you...is it for her or is it for you?