Hi imnotokayipromise,
IF anything has/were to happen then it seriously
isn't/
wouldn't be your fault. From what you've said you've done
everything you could for her, even when you were struggling yourself. You
have been a really good friend to her.
And missing the message........well you can't be expected to (no-one can be expected to!!) have superhuman powers,
however much you care (and you
clearly do) you just
can't possibly be at hand.........waiting every minute of the day.
And you know, there will be times when someone is in that dark of a place that there is absolutely nothing anyone can do or say,
however hard they try/
however supportive they are/
however much they care, to turn things around for them.......to stop them from.......
But
IF........you
did try to give her the tools to work through things, you
were there for her.........depression can just sometimes rob you of any tools/strength you have to deal with things just as quickly as you build them up...........and when you see/feel no other options........
What
really counts though is that you cared and she would have known that, you tried, you were there for her, you were probably there for her when no-one else was at times, you helped her feel understood, you respected her, you made her feel less alone, you even allowed her to feel valued/like she mattered by giving her the chance to help you.
Now
IF something has happened then to have all of that in the lead up to............well hasn't that still made a real difference/said something
really important about her and about her life. Sometimes there's only so much you can do, and you've clearly done that, including
making her life matter so much more in/despite her battle.
And
you..........it is a battle,
IF something has happened, then she clearly fought it really hard, so a lesson, an inspiration, hey??
Sometimes it's about doing all you can do in "getting by" and trying to make it through to the "other side". So make sure you're getting
plenty of support with what you're going through.
Not forgetting we're here for you too.
Alison