Thanks. Your words brought tears to my eyes. He's been on tablets to improve his count, but I feel so hopeless. I've been blaming myself for months and I hate to say it but I feel betrayed that I've been suffering alone for so long. I've felt broken. And I know people have tried much longer than I have and that people go through worse every day. But it's hard to stay positive. In our society the second people see you they have to ask abt kids. I feel like I have a light side and a dark side and once I had kids, I'd have someone to pour my love into. And I don't. And I feel the dark side creeping up and once that happens I can't stop it. My dark side really means a lot of clubbing and drinking, and I had said goodbye to all of that when I got married. 4 years later and I feel unfulfilled. I am beating myself up that we didn't start trying earlier.