I just want to add here that I think Sadmommy is in the "can't see the forest for the trees" mode. I know, believe me, I've been there, and taking many years to gain clarity, recover, and start valuing myself finally!
When one is "enmeshed" with someone whom they perceive that they love, regardless of the abusive treatment from them, it is virtually impossible to detach from them, unless something drastic occurs. Perhaps counseling will help with this. I hope!
Patty