Dearest Lost, I'm so sorry you're going through this with your daughter. I can absolutely guarantee and promise you that it's not always the mother's fault even if the almost grown child feels angry and misunderstood. Life is far more complicated than that!

I am speaking from personal experience as a mother and a daughter, an aunt and godmother. Life gets complicated when our kids reach legal adulthood, even if they still have school to finish and no job and no experience.

But right now I'm not worried about whose fault it is (it may actually not be anyone's "fault." It can just be a combination of circumstances and personality.) Right now, I'm worried about YOU.

Please make an appointment to see your primary care provider ASAP. Right now, you're the person who needs care and understanding and some help. You're suffering a severe reaction to her daughter's leaving and unless you get help, your health could be very badly impacted.

If you fall apart at the seams over feelings of loss and worry about your daughter, then you cannot be there for her if she needs you. If you keep deteriorating, you are likely to scare her and she may pull further away. You'll sound desperate and needy and your emotions will get in the way.

Even if it goes against all your mother's instincts, right now the person you have to help is yourself.

Tell the doctor what you've shared with us here --

This may be a grief reaction or anxiety or depression or a combination. You would benefit greatly from a referral to a therapist who can help you deal with your own loss and fears. You can also talk about ways to understand your daughter better and maybe the therapist can help you identify any obstacles that may prevent you from communicating well with your daughter.

I know from personal experience that a therapist can help greatly when the problem you're dealing with is an almost grown child who's making distressing decisions. We get in that situation and sometimes we can't see the forest for the trees! A therapist can help us regain our courage, strength and sense of self.

Seeing a therapist doesn't mean you have a mental illness. It means you have a life problem and it's impacting your life badly. Your doctor can make a referral.

With that said, I have to ask: Is your daughter safe? Do you know where she is? Is she calling you? If she's physically safe, please give yourself permission to breathe.

My rambunctious family has had it's share of runaways. As long as they were physically safe it really was okay in the long-run. They all turned out okay and the strained relations are all patched up and healed. We can laugh about it now. Even though at the time it was ... well, you know, it hurts. The grown ups had to get their acts together for the kids to feel like coming home would be a good decision. So, right now, my dearest Lost, please take care of yourself.

Please keep posting and let us know how you're doing.