I agree. Even though you still hear/see things and get paranoid, you are less distressed by it on meds. You don't post on here in a panic, upset by it, all the time. Your posts make more sense. You don't feel the need to act on your impulsive thoughts, whether that's self harm/suicide or driving with the door open or running outside naked etc.

If you really don't want to take meds, then you need to find a way to control yourself and your reactions to those things, so you don't get so distressed by your thoughts and hallucinations; so you don't do impulsive, dangerous things like OD on your Xanax with alcohol and end up in the hospital.

Your new T should help you learn distress tolerance and behavioural control. If not, find another. If you truly don't want meds, then you have to work out how you can stop yourself from ending up in the hospital. Because otherwise you will end up on the US version of a CTO. They won't let you remain unmedicated if you attempt sui or behave inappropriately and draw attention to yourself.

Personally I think you need the meds until you learn these skills and have practised them enough, but at the end of the day, it's up to you. But I truly believe that the next time you end up on forced injections, you won't be so lucky to get off them as you were last time

*Willow*