I want to know if i am really lone in how i feel. Ive never been to a doctor or gotten help but im pretty sure its depression. After my wife left me about 2 years ago i really went into a dark time where i just didnt care anything, didnt have any energy to do anything, and just want to be with someone so i didnt feel so lonely. I thought the answer was to jump on to random dating sites and hook up with someone. When i get would get a message someone i would be ok until they would say they wanted to meet up. Then that happened i would almost have a panic attack and just want to go into a dark room and stay there for the rest of the night. Eventually i find someone but it ended up meeting someone and always feel like i was not talking enough or wanting to do anything with her. I always felt guilty about it. The relationship last about six month but we broke up after we got into an arguement and she punched me in the face. She was constantly abusive me up to that point. Ever since then i constantly feel like im not worthy of dating because im ugly and overweight. I get down on myself when i see others walking by holding hands. Over the last 6 months it has gotten better but i have days where i wake up and im either already irritated for no reason or really depressed to the point it feels like someone is constantly pushing down on me, maybe just feeling heavy. When i go to work ill go from being happy to extremely mad in a split second over stupid stuff that has happened, and then ill be fine again. Then everything will start feeling heavy again. I know im leaving out other stuff but feel it would be rambling on for a long time. I just wanna know that im not alone and there is someone that feels the same way, i know i should probably go see someone for this but i dont know if my insurance will cover it or not. I apologize if my writing it out of order or hard to read, im not good at talking about stuff.