Hello klr6414:
Welcome to the forum. I feel that you will find useful information here.
I am not a parent and do not give advise so all I can say is that, if I were you, I would find a counselor or therapist to help me figure out where and how I WENT WRONG in raising my son to be so destructive and troubled. I would go to any lengths to understand what I could have done better to help my son when he was little and still teachable and then I'd look for a professional to help me HELP my son from now on.
re: He has been suicidal and says he hates himself.
me: This tells me that something might be very wrong from his early childhood and it might be due to inadequate parenting, if not some genetic flaw or "disorder", so I would look for ways to CORRECT my parenting of my son, if that is the cause of his problems. In any case, I would try to get him into some kind of therapy and also find some professional support FOR MYSELF.
But not being a parent myself, my opinions may be totally irrelevant, so you are free to respect these opinions or ignore them. I expect that other, wiser parents will offer you some useful feedback.
....so good luck,
jim