Seriously, I have no one to discuss my mi with other than t and that's once every 3 weeks. The days are shortening, which is usually a time when I start extremely rapid cycling as I have the last few days. First time it's happened since early summer.

Really though. I can't talk to my brothers, as they always manipulate conversations to what they want to talk about. Father completely ignores me (I got this from him but no, no, his family was perfect in his opinion).

With super mania gone due to meds, I've got no motivation to try to find a job because
1) I cannot take getting fired again as I have been numerous times through the years
2) Terrified if I did get hired and they find out about this, they will find a way to can me
3) I really don't think I'm capable of dealing/being around people because after putting up with
the asswipes I worked with at my last job, I will snap if people ever treat me, talk about me.
like they did to my face, or scheme against me to get me fired. Wow, one altercation, one
wussy ran his mouth until I got right in his face and prayed he pushed me so I would have a
legitimate self defense claim to crack his skull.

Only motivation I have is too continue helping care for legally blind father. He doesn't realize I am damn near broke. And, while my brothers live their lives, and go on vacations a few times a year, I can't afford to pay attention.

God damn it. I'm stopping my 3 blood pressure meds in hopes I do f'in stroke out to get me out of this hell on earth because I'd rather be happy, productive, and enjoy life than be healthy.

Holler if I sound shot out. My alias is Fruit Loops.

I'm spiraling again and it's causing me to obsess with this site which leads to a highly important question. How does ocd play in with bipolar. Does it make it better, worse, or neither?