It's a constant back and forth though, between feeling a terrible person and struggling to express that due to the shame. To that all building up and me wanting out of that mind frame and to feel happy with who I am. Sometimes I feel like it is hopeless trying and I might as well be a terrible person cause that's all I'll ever be regardless. Those times I think I am at my worst

I also don't like to look at how I am being sometimes, as it rains on my fun & egoistical parade. This can cause me to be very selfish and apathetic, that eventually turns on myself, doing things that will harm me, I crash, and then the whole shame and disappointment in me starts again.

Do people with BPD feel like you are different people at different times?

I often worry I have a side of me that is very bad and narcissistic, angry and careless and when I am it, it's ALL of me and I will never be able to stop that taking over I wish to throw it out and always feel happy and loving and connected to my understanding and kind and compassionate side