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I also behave like a complete narcissist when my rage levels are triggered. I'm the only one in the room who matters, it's all about me and my fragile ego.
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Yeah, I know that feeling. The rage comes from being overwhelmed at times though. I feel bombarded with pressures or like things are made so difficult by life and others, that I just explode. I have a wicked tongue and a bad temper & attitude at those times
I also have a sort of 'party gal' or deliberately arrogant part of me too. Where I feel I want to be outrageous or opinionated and I lash out at anyone who
I feel wants to dampen that.
Do BPD people have that too? or is that just me being awful
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Sometimes I think it would be easier to be a narcissist 24/7, at least it would be consistent.
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I have had that feeling before. Sometimes I think it is just because I long for the linear emotional stability. To feel nothing and get rid of the ups and downs. I also worry about being that though (no disrespect to NPD people) because I worry that the more I bury emotions I can't handle and avoid looking at me and feeling ashamed or acting on the gut retching guilt and empathy, the more I will become the other.
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But then my ultimate aim is to integrate all sides of my personality and I recognize I have a problem and it's ultimately my problem, not other people's
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It is hard though, isn't it. I feel like I switch from one person to another and can (in a surface way) relate to people with MPD. I love the open, loving person I am, but that person is also vulnerable, ditzy, and I don't have my wits about me at those times. Frightening to be.
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I feel like I'm stuck in development and am almost there but keep tripping up.
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I feel that too. Other times I feel a mess of a person and incapable of change too though. I am avoidant, destructive and extremely defeatist too. All of these culminating in my going back to places/behaviours I don't want to be in. It all wears me down and I don't feel like I am a person a lot of the time. Just an empty pattern of emotional states and behaviours, all wrapped up in a useless, unstable package.
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The red mist came down/I've gone back to feeling like a shamed child. On a positive note, he's being much quieter today
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Never a healthy balance
On that same positive note, irrational and rage does get results at times lol
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I used to be darker, then I got lighter, then I got dark again
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I like you signature
I lost the light a while ago and can't find it anywhere
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“You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. In the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.”
― Max Ehrmann