I still feel guilty for cutting off people that I know feel absolutely no guilt about all the hurt and trauma they've caused me. Feel like I've abandoned them.

I feel guilty at even the most legitimate outburst because I feel I have no right to defend myself. I deserve it.

It seems to be part of my self blame process. I deserve what they did to me because everything is my fault. Everything is my fault because I am evil. I am evil because even my own parents don't love me.

I can trace the source. I don't know how to fix it.