I don't know exactly what you're experiencing because I don't know what kind of online relationship you had with the people in question, or how much you trusted them. But people online come and go, that's the nature of online life. And that can happen in day-to-day life as well, but far less often. It's good to have support here, as any support is good support, but the temporary nature of the internet also means that it's vital to build support in your day-to-day life as well.

As for yourself vanishing... No one wants you to vanish. And I suspect that you yourself don't truly want to as well. I know what it's like to want the suffering to end, and sometimes I really wish I could just let go... But at the same time, I can't. As bad as things are, I WANT to have hope, hope that something good will come from all this. And even when I don't feel that hope, I know I at least WANT that hope. Sometimes, that's all it takes to hold on. It's like hanging by the thinnest thread.

You're not alone. And you offer us so much here. You do great things just by offering us yourself.