Oh wow. I'm sorry Indesctructable Girl, this sounds like an awful place to be, and I do wonder if your T handled it badly.

I am so not an expert on therapy, at all. I'm still trying to figure out how to make it work too.

One thing that has been interesting though... I went in after session 3 or so, and told my T that I was feeling stressed and sick and not sleeping, and that I think it had to do with therapy. He immediately said, "Oh! OK, it sounds like you're not feeling safe here yet... so we can slow down!".

I couldn't have identified that myself, but I think he was right. Slowing down didn't fix everything, but it did reduce alot of the awful feelings about therapy I was having. Quite a bit.

I think that if he, instead, said - "well, you're not committed enough, you need to either jump in full force, or quit until you can commit" - that would not have helped at all. It would have made me feel LESS safe, more pushed, more stressed, and probably made therapy that much harder.

I don't know if it's the same thing for you, but when I read what you wrote, it just LEAPT out at me - ultimatums are like threats, like saying, "you are not doing enough, you must do more or get out" - which would make me (maybe most people?) feel threatened and hurt and unsafe, and not be helpful.

Also... I didn't quite understand why you mentioned her risking her career over you? I've had a LOT of Ts that did not in anyway help me, none have ever suffered any kind of career repercussions for this...