Even though i'm already second year at university, i still haven't gotten used to the idea that when 1 September comes around i don't have to go to school. A few days passed since then, but i'm still a little jittery.
I've got about 1 month before the new semester starts. . .This year anxiety started a bit early. But it got me thinking, for the past 7-8 years, i always do the same thing : all summer i don't talk to anyone outside my family (household and extended), spend all my time online, watching TV and reading books (used to have some hobbies like drawing, but i lost interest in them), then spend two weeks getting anxious and excited about a new beginning and then all year long just talk with only two to three people (i don't even know if some of them even considered me a friend, since we only talked when we were at school, we didn't hang out or anything, i didn't know where they lived or any really personal information). And then the cycle just repeated and repeated . . .
Another thing i noticed last year was that i don't have social skills, all these years i was relying on people's sympathy for me to be able to communicate with them. I don't know how to find a common topic with people. People my age talk about partying, drinking, about their friends, boyfriends/ girlfriends, the girls like to gossip . . . It makes me feel like an outcast.
And just because i don't do the things people my age do, nearly everyone i know treat me like an innocent little child. The logic behind that is: I don't go out much, therefore i live under a rock . And let's ignore the fact that i do have internet connection and watch TV, also whenever i'm around people i watch how they interact between each other and learn as much i can about social rules.
So anyway, i thought that by the time i'm 20 people would treat appropriately
to my age and i would find a way to fit in. I guess, i still can't accept that i have to make the effort to better the situation and not expect that things will just work out by them selves.