I have been fighting with SSA and doctors for over a year and a half about my physical condition. I was supposed to start PT this week and of course it hadn't been approved by medicare yet. The referral was made three weeks ago, but now because the PT doc isn't in my network it is taking longer. I haven't seen my therapist for almost a month because of vacations, labor day, etc. I have hired an attorney and also wrote to my congress woman about the fact that I have tremors and the meds I take for pain, etc. no one is going to hire me. Still I was denied disability. I am at the ODAR level now and they don't have my CD ready. I don't have any fight left! I have had a lot of suicidal ideation lately and that scares the crap out of me. I was raised Catholic so that is a sin and the only other thing that keeps me from it is my family and children and what it would do to them. I really want to check myself into the hospital. We went to the lake for a week and I felt so free out there. On the way back I could feel myself starting to stress out and just wanted to turn around and go back! I have a hard time dealing with people, traffic, noise, etc. I'm broke all of the time because the state only gives me $197 a month to live on. I want to get on with my life! I'm having way more depression than manic episodes. I start crying and I have a hard time stopping! I'm such a mess.