Horrible day. Woke up feeling nauseous with electric shock feelings surging through by body, and it was all dark and stormy outside. Tired of feeling sick all of the time. Beginning to wonder if it will ever get better, or only worse as time goes on. Feeling like it maybe isn't worth fighting. But I don't even know what I'm fighting, could be bipolar, could be chemo side effects, or could be cancer coming back again. No word yet on thyroid tests.

I think if this round of chemo didn't knock out the cancer, I'm not going to take further treatment. It's a question of quality of life, and I don't feel like I have any anymore. What's the sense in fighting to stay alive if you're going to be miserable everyday? Most of the things that I enjoyed in life are now out of reach either for medical or financial reasons, and I'm usually feeling too sick to enjoy the few things that are left. I pretty much feel like my life is already over, I'm just waiting to die. I stopped living when I started getting sick last year. Nothing is the same. The cancer's probably going to come back, but I fear there is much more pain and misery awaiting me before the end. We all know suicide isn't the answer, and besides ... if you botch a suicide in Wisconsin you will be facing criminal charges when you wake up in hospital. Don't need that added to my list of problems. I'll just wait my turn and hope it isn't too slow and miserable.

Hope some of you are having a better day, to top matters off weather knocked out the satellite TV at 11am and I missed The Young and The Restless. Now I don't get to find out if Phyllis wakes up from her coma or if the evil villian Mr. Ian Ward is brought to justice for stealing Sharon's baby.