Hi shygirl2101.

"I guess, i still can't accept that i have to make the effort to better the situation and not expect that things will just work out by them selves."

This... this is exactly how I've felt for a long time about my lack of progress in my goals. I always thought, if I'm older, everything will work out. If I'm older, I'd be more productive and confident etc.

Unfortunately, there is no magical fix that will make us turn into the person we want to be. It takes time, and incremental changes.

BUT, don't be disheartened. For one, you aren't alone despite how you may feel. And two, there are solutions. I think a great book for your situation that you must definitely read is How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie.

Agentfyre makes great points. People love themselves, so a topic of conversation to always cling onto is to get the other person to talk about themselves. And like Agentfyre said, if the conversation failed it isn't your fault at all, since you tried. It takes 2 to have a conversation.

Another thing that I myself am trying to do more of is SMILE. Even if you force it, smiling has a LOT of benefits, like making you less anxious and producing positive chemicals in your brain. In social situations it has lots of benefits too. For one, it makes people feel comfortable and more willing to engage you in conversation. And 2, they'll unconsciously see you in a positive light. And 3, smiling at others makes them think they are the cause of your happiness which makes them feel good about themselves. Also smiling makes you look good.

All in all, smiling is a simple, yet very effective way to make socialising easier.

Coincidentally, both these points: 1) Engage people to talk about themselves; and 2) SMILE, are talked about in that book I mentioned.

Hope this helped.

Good luck!